It's SAR time folks. The time of year when we all get out last years reports, blow off the dust and cobwebs and all sit down and have a meeting.

These often go really well.

Priorities (STAFF)
No restaurant facilities for staff
Air conditioning in classrooms
Window blinds
Courses and staff training

Priorities (MANAGEMENT)
Then the college wants us to look at Recruitment, Retention, Results, (The Three R's in FE) a bit more Retention and and lastly anal retention in that order.

The whole SAR process is a complete waste of time, as anyone working in FE knows. Nothing ever changes despite how ever many reports are written, and ways that beans are counted.

Just how do you stop students dropping out of classes eh?

Nail them to the chairs? Hypnotise them into coming back week after week? Fix long lengths of elastic to their pants?
You can never ever get 100% retention in any class - we all know that, but the bean-counters at the LSC think otherwise. They all think we are bad teachers if the retention figures fall below the governments norm. As Roy Keane would say, "Stick it up yer Bollocks", it's all crap, the lot of it.

20 years ago when most of you will know if you were working in FE then, FE was a great place to work. Successive governments and their lackies at OFSTED and the Skills Council have torn the heart from education and turned it into a silly numbers game. Labour have made it worse in the last 10 years, far worse.

DORIS

Like you will have, we have this fantastic computer system which compares retention and achievement which we send details to the LSC about. DORIS. it stands for DUMB, OUT OF DATE, RUBBISH, INFORMATION and Statistics. It's never accurate and always adrift by about 10% either way.

I seem to spend most of the day this time of year checking if Doreen Goggins's passed Word Pro Level 1 in 2003 or did she carry over into 2004? And why did 4 students out of a class of ECDL of 15 students suddenly stop coming after week 9? Were they abducted by Aliens? Answer, I don't fecking know mate, whay not ask them, I'm a teacher no a bloody social worker.

As Churchill said, "KBO." Keep buggering on.
:-)

Love Billy

xxx

bbd

Bloody sad day for Ruth Kelly today chums.

She had top billing in Gateshead in a 1200 seater arena at the North of England SchoolHeads Conf and only just over a hundred turn up - most of who were journalists.

Sad that. Mind you she doesn't set pulses racing does she our Roofy. Doesn't break many squares or start many fires. (That's enough analogies now...Ed)
Never mind - I can see a long time on the back-benches beckoning soon.
Come and join us in the teaching ranks Roofy - wee love ya
Come and help us make a difference gal.

Love Billy

xxX

Congratulations go to our colleague from Leicester who correctly recognised the device as a BANDA machine circa 1979.

For you young-uns, the BANDA was a spirit-fed copying machine that allowed you to produce foolscape handouts in essence of methylated spirits. These were around in most staff rooms until the dawn of the photocopier.

Ahhh I remember well Monday mornings, 8.55, busily winding the handle to knock off as many copies for class as was needed. The smell was outstanding, like working in a brandy house with all the windows shut, you were high as a kite the rest of the day. A sort of legalised intoxication or free alcohol for teachers scheme.

marvellous

Billy

xxx

Well, 2006 ahhh, a new year, new term and six months till the summer break!

I like this time of year, its getting lighter in the evening, warmer (well it's on the way) and Blair will be out on his silly arse soon.
Blair's going tae come unstuck soon with his schools bill as none the Labour back benchers seem to want it. Neither do the schools.

In FE land its all gone a bit quiet. No doubt ther'll be more LSC daft documents coming our way soon. Self arsessment. (what a joke that was before Christmas) What a complete and utter waste of time.

I really think sometimes how much have all the quality 'initiatives' actually done to raise standards, retention and pass rates in FE. To me the same numbers finish and pass now than they did 10 years ago before we had all the qwality nonesense. Utter bollox the lot of it. Whole departments set up to count beans, when students left, none of it there to help teachers.

WASTEFUL QWALITY INITIATIVES - GET RID OF THEM BLAIR - THEYR'E POINTLESS.

Anyway I had a good Christmas and nice to see a few reading BBD over the festives thank you for that. I hope you all have a splendidly happy new year in 2006 and lets stick it to Tony Blair, the LSC, Roof Kelly, The DFES and The Government and lets pray and hope we in FE get a better deal this year.

My mate bought me this new piece of high-tech wizardry for Christmas. Anyone know how it works

Power to the people ;-)

Love Billy

xxx