Our new, Education Secretary aka Alan 'Postman Pat' Johnson has said little this week over his possible candidacy for the Labour leadership. He has come out though with one or two daft ideas which has upset teachers in schools.

Daft Idea 1)
A school with one of England's worst truancy records plans to offer pupils teaching around the clock 24/7/365.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/5377520.stm

Does Pat really think for one minute that persistant truants will turn up between 7am in a morning and 10 at night.
Absolute bonkers

Daft Idea 2)
Johnson plans classes on Saturday
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/5377786.stm?ls
In another silly idea, Postman Pat has announced,
that the government wants more of England's state schools to open on Saturdays.

Has he costed any of these proposals?
No he hasn't.
Has he talked to the teaching unions about opening schools and making teachers work 24/7 and weekends?
No he hasn't.
Has he any research to suggest that this is a good idea?
No, he hasn't.
I guess he just dreamed up these ideas when out on his round one morning. It went probably like this...

Pat: " Hey Jess, I've just had a smashing idea"
Jess: " Meoow"
Pat: "We get up every day at 4.00 and again on a Saturday to deliver Mrs Goggins post, don't we?"
Jess: " Meoow, Meoow"
Pat: "So why don't we get all the girls and boys up all across Greendale at the same time and send them and their lazy little shit teachers to work at the same time?"
Jess: "Meoow, Meoow, Meoow"
Pat: "Good, tee hee hee, all right then Jess, lets go to the press and tell them what we are going to do before working it all out properly."
Jess: muttering "Feck in hell, more work, can I retire yet?"

And that is how life was for Jess.
Bless.

Next week, Postman Pat finds the Weapons of Mass Destruction in a Greendale shed.

Billy
XXX

BBD

Well done PaulBoyd who correctly identified all the faces as
(Correct names supplied by Wikipedia)

a) Dr James Gordon Brown
b) Cherie Blair (or sometimes called Booth (1/2 marks)
c) Tom Courtney aka Billy Liar from Keith Waterhouses novel
d) Anthony Charles Lynton Blair
e) James Eugene Carrey
f) Pinocchio

Now, the odd one out. Well, you could say it was Cherie for calling Gordon names, or her hubby for lying over the 45 minutes with WMD. You could say it was Jim Carrey for his performance in Liar Liar so good they named it twice. Pinocchio was also a good one as he told lies and his nose grew.
Billy Liar and Liar Liar were both films, as was Pinnicchio.
Tony and Gordon never actually called each others Liars, and Cherie did. Both Blairs have Liar within their actual names as does Billy Liar. The correct logical choice is Gordon who hasn't told any lies or called anyone a liar - yet.

Is that fair?

BBD

XXX

BillyBlogginsdonkey brings you an amazing scoop, right from the Labour Conference in Manchester.
In a dramatic statement to be made on Wednesday to the Labour Conference, Health Secretary, Patricia Hewitt will annouce that the Labour Party is to close all pubs and clubs at 10.00pm in order to save Britain from the growing culture of binge drinking.

John Reid has already attacked the idea as "nonsense" and will table a seperate ammendment that the pubs open again at five past so the staff can have a wee break.

This is BillyBlogginsDonkey for BBD NEWS, in Manchester.

BBD

xxx

After all the entries (137) for the last quiz which was on famous pussies, have a go at spotting the link on this one.

Answers tomorrow (Wednesday)

PS...Apologies to Andrew Lloyd-Webber who contacted us this afternoon for getting his age wrong. He is of course only 91.

Love Billy

BBD

Don't they make a loverly couple?
Now tell me ladies out there in Blog Land, would you trust him?

I'm not gonna pre-empt this one. He is 93, Connie is 16 and still at school.

All together now,
"How do you trust an old fart like Lloyd Webber"..da da da

Your views please darlings...

Billy
BBD
xxx

Jack McConnell, First Minister describes his brain power.

Jack, our first minister (or sinister) has had a bit of a brainwave. If there are kids knocking about street corners wearing hoodies and riding bikes, he says they should be working, contributing to society. Brilliant that Jack, - how are we goin tae do it?
It's not concrete yet, but he has had the idea of creating 100 new Skills Academies for 14-16 year olds would probably mean all the current FE colleges.
No small measures here, Oh no. 100 NEW ones. Fuck me Jack where's the money going tae come from?

I bet he wants to get FE to do it all. Watch this space.

Billyblogginsdonkey has managed to get hold of the new curriculum for the academies today. It's a throwback to the 19th Century 'skills', dealing with practical skills rather than the academic that we so desperately need here in Scotland.

Expect to see

Catering skills.

Alternative forms of Energy Trainees enjoying their studies

Chimney Sweeping BTEC National First Diploma

A forgotten craft, Carpetry makes its comeback.

Why does the Government always pick on the poor Scots to trial any newly dreamed up scheme? This new 'idea' will go down as well as the Poll Tax did with colleagues working in Colleges I can guarantee.
Jack, you must be joking mate. Here's to you not getting back in power come the Hollyrood elections next year from all here in FE land in Scotland.

Anything with the word "Academy" attached to it always sends a cold shiver down my spine. Been there, done that, still wear the tee shirt.

billy

BBD

xxx

Look out for Tony doing his famous Jesus impression Tuesday.

Should be an interesting week. Expect lots more prudence, policy and pain from a pathetic government who have frankly lost the plot.
It'll be interested to hear what Gordon the Gopher and John 'getcha pants off' Prescott, has to say, and also the dark horse for the leadership, Alan Postman Pat Johnson on Wednesday who should be rooting for all us in FE land. (Calm down now...it's only a commercial...Ed)

Seriously though chums,
would you really buy a used car from any of them?

BBD

Billy

xxx

I quite like Jamie and the terrific work he has done to raise the importance of schoolchildren eating the right food. Good lad Jamie, well done, OBE's in the post. No seriously mate, well done.

But this story from the BBC website today, really, just read it...it beggars belief.

A frozen food firm has set up an interactive lesson to teach children that chips come from potatoes.
McCain Foods created The Potato Story to help children learn where food comes from and how it is prepared.

It follows recommendations by the School Meals Review Panel that children should learn about the provenance of food - as well as eat healthier food. Daubeney Primary School in Hackney, east London, is one of the first schools to receive a visit from a McCain expert.

Just to show I'm not making this up, see the full story at,
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/5357434.stm

After all the good work that Jamie has done, a greasy fried, corporate fecking chip-monger (McCains) has managed to get their greasy, fat noses into schools, to give, "Lessons."
A McCain expert, no less. Well that takes the biscuit, doesnt it.

I wonder what their 'expert' lessons will cover?

Maths - What is the missing angle in a McCains Wedgie if the hypotenuse is 8cm and the Opposite side is 10cm?

History...in 1463 Sir Francis McCain discovered the chip growing on a tree in the New World. He loved chips so much, he brought them all home in a supertanker and gave them all to the Queen who then chopped off his head as he forgot the vinegar. Write a 500 word essay as to how the McCains chip became the worlds most favourite food.

Education...just gets dafter by the day!

Billy

BBD

xxx

According to last Fridays TES which surveyed College Principals on Lecturers pay, the majority view from the Chiefs was that they were not at all confident about the future of pay in the sector.
They kept pretty quiet however about their own fat pay packets.
While the average salary of College Principals is £85,000, as a group, they have certainly done pretty well out of the Government over the past ten years gaining pay increases over and above inflation for their "performance."

I find this insulting and very annoying. While some Colleges in the UK pay new teaching staff scadalously under £20K a year, with some paying anything from £14,500 to start, it really is grossly unfair to the massive majority who actually do the hard work get the Principals "performance" through their hard work.

In all the 20 plus years I have worked in FE, not once have I had any form of an incentive, or bonus for my performance, or even a thank you card despite cranking up the pass rate year on year on year. The only people who gain in FE are those at the top of the ladder, NEVER the hard working, grafters at the chalk-face.

One Principal, who I won't name, was so smug in saying, " No, I cannot see any change, its just the economics at play." What a load of baloney Mr Fat Cat Principal. I just hope that Some government, some day will take us back to LEA control and call these Fat Cats to account.

The pay gap between FE and schools continues to drain the sector of its most able staff and runs currently at 16% difference.

Billy Grrr BlogginsDonkey

BBD

xxx

If you had your thinking caps on you probably identified,

Q1
A) Catweazal...from TV about 30 years ago.
B Cat Deeley
C) Mr Bigglesworth, Dr. Evils moggie from Austin Powers
D) Top Cat or plain old TC will do
E) Thats Sean Connery from Goldfinger - featuring Pussy Galore
F) Mrs Slocombe from Are You Being Served

Q2

First what was the theme here? Yes it was that they were or all had a famous pussy. But which one was the odd one out? Well in all of them they all either were called Cat or had a cat, or a Pussy, in Bonds case.
You could say that Top Cat was the odd one out - not a real pussy. But if you identified Mrs Slocombe as the odd one out, thats it.

But why is she the odd one?

Because you never saw her pussy!
MEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWW
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Love Billy...more quizzes next week. I think I've started something here.

xxx

Old Postman Pat himself, the Education Secretary Alan Johnson has once again picked on and criticised teachers in deprived areas this time for not encouraging their kids to go to university.

Again, it's a targets thing, just like yesterday with the smoking and drinking thing. The Government want, as you know, 50% of kids to go to University. So how are we in deprived areas going to get half the street gangs to go to university?

If you work in education, you'll know immediately that HALF your class, however good they are, would not stand a snowball's chance in hell of coping with a course at degree level, yet Postman Pat says we are "aiming to low."

Absolute shite Pat. Tuesdays Guardian reported that a large number of kids cannot read and write to level 5, at 14, boys more so than girls. 30% of kids rarely read a book or have even been to a library to borrow books.

I do see our role in Further Education as preparing young people for a role in society and equipping them with the job, social and personal skills to help them fit in. All this 50% for University stuff is bonkers when we need Nurses, Plumbers, Builders, Care Workers etc.

Knock this target on the heed Postman Pat, it's just not practical.

Billy

BBD

xxx

After the rip-roaring success of our Famous Gordons spot the odd one out competition on Monday, here's another where there's a link between all of them.

Q1 Can you name all these famous people?
Q2 Which one of these is the odd one out?

Maybe, just maybe if you watch(ed) an exceedingly large amount of telly you'll get it.
Enjoy! Just for fun. Pass it round in key skills to keep the bairns occupied.
Billy

xxx

The Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs have called for measures on restricting the sale of cigarettes to 16 years olds. Good idea I say. But there’s more. They have also asked for, get this,

• Sniffer dogs to be used in schools to sniff out drugs,
• Ban on sponsorship for sport. (So no Worthington Cup then)
• A ban on adverts for drink on the TV and in the Cinema,

How come its always teachers responsibility to enforce these sort of stupid unenforcible rules?

I regularly take my class (all 18+) down to the pub of an evening. I see the pub as a non-threatening environment and a place where some kids would go instead of a college. It’s educational, you can educate and develop literacy and numeracy skills in a pub through quizzes, darts, dominoes and pool and in the use of kitties.

Nanny State again is this. Absolute shite the lot of it. Just because the Department for Health’s stats are bad – and I’m not defending them in any way, it suddenly becomes the problems of teachers, us.

When I was younger, pubs used to open at 7.00pm, close at 11.00pm and shut all day Sunday. There was no binge-drinking, pissed up, slappers in the streets, or drunken mobs beating the crap out of each other who couldn’t handle the drink, basically cos’ they could’t feckin buy any!

Everything in moderation I say. Get the Dept for Health to sort this one, not teachers, please. I for one will not tell my kids why drinking is bad for them. I mean how do you bring it up in the classroom?

“Today, we are going to cover, The four Stroke Petrol Engine.”
“And… we need to look at under-age drinking.”

Just doesn’t work does it.

Billy

BBD

xxx

BillyBlogginsDonkey can exclusively reveal from a source close to the Military, that the world famous japesters, The Krankies, have been engaged by the Government as MI6 undercover operatives, and are currently embedded with the Nato forces on Operation Freedom in Northern Afghanistan.

It has been rumoured in the media since post 9/11, why these cheeky chapsters were no longer seen on our TV screens. The story put out was that they were working the cruise ships. It was revealed today that they are being used to interrogate the Taliban militia into "swapping sides" through interrogation methods which contravene the Geneva convention.

Imagine what it must be like for the poor towel heeeds, being strapped to a chair, naked and blindfolded and having to listen to Jeanette's grinding, annoying rendition of Fantabidozi hour after hour after hour.
God it must be terrible.
Gimme the rubber hose and the snarling pack of wild rabid dags anytime.

Billy

BBD
xxx

The answers are

Q1 A Gordon Liddy - from the US Watergate scandal
B Gordon Sumner aka Sting, he of pop singery fame
C Gorden Kaye, Rennie off Allo, Allo
D Gordon the Gopher - from Saturday morning telly
E Gordon of Khartoum - famous Brit
F Flash Gordon - played by Sam Jones

Q2 The odd one out. Now you could say that Gordon the Gopher was, cause he's not a real person. You could say it was Gorden Kay because he isn't a Gordon, or you could argue that Flash Gordon was the odd one because Gordon is his second name. My choice is Gordon Sumner who's real name is Gordon, but everyone knows him as Sting!

Full marks if you got that one chums.

Billy

BBD

xxx

Competition time on BillyBlogginsDonkey.
Something completely new.
Below are the pictures of SIX famous Gordons.

1. Who are all these handsome chaps?
2. Which Gordon is the odd one out and why?

Answers on a postcard please. Winner gets an autographed OFSTED report of your own college signed by a famous Gordon.

Come on now, thinking caps on.

Love Billy

BBD
xxx

Only another 33 weeks to go. Jaysus thank God it's Friday would you.
Happy to relax for the weekend after a bugger of a first week back in harness. It's hard to think there are 33 weeks to go along with

33 team meetings
12 post inspection follow up meetings
12 Marketing meetings
24 quality meetings
24 Health and Saftey meetings
30 Equal Opps meetings
16 Employer engagement meetings
12 Boreds of Study (Yawn)
3 SAR meetings
and
not forgetting
25 hours a week teaching the wee bairns.

Yawn, I'm tired now, think I'll turn in with a good LSC report to send me to sleep.

See you next week Chums

Sorry about the picture, but the Chuckles make me laugh!

love Billy

xxx

Diagnostic Assessment
Question 1.
Can you spot which of these pictures depicts the world famous Chuckle Brothers? The clue is... "To me, To you."

The saga of Tony and his faithful partner Gordon gets better by the minute. It is as one MP said this morning, just like an episode of The Sopranos.
More like the Chuckle Brothers if you ask me.
Tony: "I want to be Prime Minister,"
Gordon: "No, I want to be Prime Minister."
"Take That" > Gordon hits Tony with a big stick.
"Oooww, you really hurt me then"

And it went on and on and on and on until next May.

BBD

xxx

Are you too counting down the days?
The Sun says May 31st 2007.
BillyBlogginsDonkey says September 7th 2006.

Time is running out Tony.
Bow out gracefully now while you can.
Bale out now and start an Access course in FE, could be the start of a whole new career. Hey - you'll be able to go to University and pay extortionate fees. Just think of all the wonderful things you'll be able to do soon.

BBD

Billy
xxx

(Gordons doing his my balls are bigger than yours Ed joke))
Had to happen sooner or later. The most popular man in the Labour party needs to get the party and the public right behind him. And what better way than getting Scotlands finest son to audition and do a wee turn on X-Factor.
I understand he is the surprise guest on Saturday's show which is tipped to send viewing figures soaring.

According to Ed Balls, his agent, Gordon is going to sing, Dear Prudence. (What else...Ed)

let's all wish luvverly Gordon all the best but I think the costume he's got here is a bit OTT.

BBD

Billy

xxx