RANT OF THE WEEK

It's jobs day in todays Education Guardian and guess who are paying pen-pushers and administrators more than they pay teachers ?

Yes once again its our good friends at the LSC. The glorious Learning Skills Council, Guardians and Masters of the FE Teaching profession.

Nationwide Opportunities - the ad(s) run

Area Director Merseyside - Circa £80,000
Partnership Directors - £48,303 - £73,391
Economic Development Directors £48,303 - £73,391
Partnership Managers - £39,828 to £49,674
Research Advisors - ££27,256 - £35,054

I wonder what these pencil pushers and bean counters do for the money, (certainly not teach or go anywhere near a classroom full of 16-year olds) PLUS they all get an annual bonus on the back of us hard-working teachers who get feck all bonuses.

It really is an absolute scandal this. Money for auld rope if you ask me.

Leeches, bean-counters, shirkers, conmen, waste-of-fecking-spacers, inadequate managers who haven't a clue, slugs and blood sucking vampires need only apply.

Billy

BBD

xxx

Billyblogginsdonkey has been following the fortunes of Hilary Clinton, loving, loyal wife of former President Bill Clinton.

Hills is doing rather well in the polls at the moment which sees her at 65% in new York. Rumours are that she will run for Presdient in 2008.
BBD says good on her! I think it would be great if a gal became President.

I wonder what role for husband Bill?

Cleaner maybe?

Lets wish Hillary well, she will have a lot on her plate if she does announce her candidacy.

Billy

XXX

I thought last night was classic British TV.
The Royle Family 1 hour special is British comedy at its very, very best.
Had me crying, happily, tears of laughter and sadness from one minute to the next as I can well relate to the Royles, their background and situation. What brilliant scriptwriting that can make you feel like that.

The programme that followed it with JK Rowling, Peter kay and Noel Gallagher and others talking about the series was also a resume of the excellent series that has become for me as good as,

Open All Hours
Are you being served
Dads Army
Porridge
Fawlty Towers
It Aint Half hot mum.

Loved it every minute of it.

Billy

xxx

Another TV Chef takes to the tellybox tonight (yawn) pushing his own blend of politics, personal agenda and maybe some food along the way.
Sunday Times announces Heston Blumenthal with a DVD to launch this "new spectacular way of presenting food".

I'm pretty naffed off by all these greasy spoon mongers telling me what I should and shouldn't eat. They treat people as if we are fecking stupid.

TELLY CHEF RATINGS
GORDON RAMSAY: Patronising, foul-mouthed, ex-footballer/hardman, a bullying twat in the kitchen by all accounts. Wanker.
RICK STEIN: Fish monger makes good. Probably crap at anything else but fish. Love Chalkie though, he's a little belter.
AINSLEY HARRIET: Bit of a joker, makes instant food, can't cook himself probably and I wouldnt fecking eat whats leftover in my fridge anyday.
DELIA SMITH: Norwich City Chair-maam. Famous for being pissed on the pitch, shouting, "Where are you?" at the home fans. Tells you how I boil the perfect egg - 5 mins. Thats it. Fifty books later and still going strong.
JAMIE OLIVER: Scooter-ridin, Naked chef, School dinners evangelist and all time "Pukka mate" who is darn wiv da yoof. The only Tellybox chef I really rate.
GARRY RHODES: Spiky punk hairdo...specialises in Brit food such as...How to make a fry-up...(Jaysus Billy...are you going to list all of them...Ed?)
JAMES SHAGGER MARTIN: Brit food chef, quite good, very handsome, nice puddings.
ANTHONY WORRAL-THOMPSON: Wozza talks the most crap of the lot of them, cant hear what he says and the dishes he makes look minging.

Do we really need TV Chefs telling us what to eat all the time or how to cook the perfect sausage, or are they just fronts for firms like TESCO, SAINSBURYS etc?

Billy

xxx

BillyBlogginsdonkey has the X-Factor

Just checking the stats for this month and wow, only the best month ever for people tuning in to BBD to contribute to and read our stories. Many thanks everyone.

Good night tonight on the Tellybox, Cum Dancing, (have you ever?) X-Factor, and Who Wants to be a Millionaire tonight.
X-Large Box of Maltesers, Bottle of Chablis, central heating working full belt what more could you want!

Billy

BBD

xxx

Binge Drinking Tax for kids

(Billy, why are their strings attached to the Health Secretary's heed....Ed?)

Following our earlier story this month of Patricia Hewitt trying to close the pubs early to curb binge-drinking, only to be stopped by the Home Secretary, her next option is to TAX binge drinkers.

No figures are available yet, but it looks like another Labour stealth tax.

Why oh why did they licence the pubs to open longer in the first place?

Perhaps it was a nifty little tax-generating ploy all along, and all the Cabinet were in on it.

Here's Patricia Hewitts logic.

1. Kids Drink a lot don't they
2. Kids drink because they like it - a market!
3. Kids drink because there is feck all else to do and its legal.
4. Lets, open the Pubs all day so Kids can drink as much as they like, pubs happy, drink companies happy, government happy,
5. Lots of bad press about happy hours and how kids, now 30% of them are on the road to alcoholism. Happy kids, unhappy government.
6. Try to close pubs - fail. Unhappy Health secretary, still happy kids.
7. Hike up the cost of drink. Unhappy kids, happy government.
8. Treasury happy. Kids happy - well a bit they can borrow the money.
9. Binge drinking continues...

More taxes with no guarantees this will work.

Billy

BBD

xxx

Madonna and Child - act 4 - The Oprah Winfrey Show

Act 4

"Heartbroken" by all the media coverage, Madge (played by herself...again) decides to go live on TV to speak to the planet about the adoption issue.
"I can assure you it doesn't matter who you are, or how much money you have, nothing goes fast in Africa. There are no adoption laws in Malawi,", says Madge, close to tears and her voice breaking.

So Madge - can anyone adopt a child then?
Money - Ah, no problem!
"Nothing goes fast in Africa" (not sure what she meant here...Ed), what like the adoption process you mean ?
finally, according to Madge,
"There are no adoption laws in Malawi."
So, hey, no problem, No laws, no authorities, don't need no money, just get a private jet, some security people and go right along and pick up what you child want.

What sort of example is she setting here? Fecking hell Madge.

There are according to the Guardian however active human rights groups in Malawi, so they are not that "backward" as a nation after all.
The groups are threatening court action.

No mention of how young David is doing by the way. It's a pure Madge performance.

Me, Me ,Me ,Me, Me, Me ,Me ,Me, me.

The interview must be on YouTube today sometime.

Billy

BBD

xxx

Looks like the West Ends most expected show got off to a triumphant start last night by the review in todays Gruniad.
Reviewer Lyn Gardner gives it TWO out of FIVE stars only and goes on to moan about how poor it was in her opinion.

Heres some of her acerbic comments,

"it would take a complete rewrite..."
"A half baked show..."
"when someone breaks into a song it often looks like a mistake..."
Read todays Guardian if you want to suffer more abuse.

I think we have a rival to Simon Cowell here, or perhaps a frustrated old spinster who is just wishing she could be Baby up on stage maybe. Shes probably a fat auld slapper who you couldnt lift without doing yourself a mischief.

Dirty Dancing is one show thats top of my list of must see shows, along with the REAL Mr Patrick Swayze who is starring in Guys and Dolls, Cabaret and the South of Music.

Dirty Dancing stars Georgina Rich as Baby who gave an excellent performance according to Ms Gardner, alongside Josef Brown as Johnny. (Look at the 'pecs'on him) See pics above.

Pass the baby oil....MMmmmmm

Now where did I put that DVD and my pink dress ?

Billy

BBD

xxx

It's been announced today that all schools are to receive a spacial pack from The Samaritans for tutors to help pupils deal with emotional knocks.
The pack containing a set of lesson plans is backed by the world famous Sugarbabes dance troupe, has been rolled out to all schools in the UK and Republic of Ireland. Thats a staggering amount of paper.

Heres the agenda,

Lesson 1: How to deal with a dead Goldfish
Lesson 2: Cremating your hamster
Lesson 3: Dealing with nits, dandruff and pubic lice,
Lesson 4: Commuting and how to cope with daily 9 - 3 grind
Lesson 5: Dealing with lessons (come on now Billy, you're not serious...Ed)

No seriously, The Samaritans do a truly fantastic job. With the interfering Governments Nanny state attitudes, constant meddling with education, barages of instructions for this, that and the other, I don't wonder kids today have so many emotional problems. I am really glad I am not a 15 year-old today.

I for one hope The Samaritans scheme is a resounding success and offers more than some of the piles of crap that has come from the DfEE over the years.

Billy

BBD

xxx

I've seen some weird things eaten in restaurants the world over, but this story had me a bit queezy.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/5371500.stm

There are however a few people who I think should have theirs eaten - while alive.

Come on you all know who I am thinking of...

:-)

Billy

BBD

xxx

I've seen some weird things eaten in restaurants the world over, but this story had me a bit queezy.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/5371500.stm

There are however a few people who I think should have theirs eaten - while alive.

Come on you all know who I am thinking of...

:-)

Billy

BBD

xxx

I thought after all the hype and build-up to Torchwood it would probably be a bit of a letdown.
It wasn't. I quite liked episode 1 (have taped 2) for tonight. The swearing didnt seem to fit right though. I'm pretty sure on the back of the latest Doctor Who revival, there would be millions of kids begging to stay up to watch episode 1 after the watershed.

I'm not so sure about the location. Cardiff? I guess its down to budgets at the end of the day.

Capt'n Jack Harkness can park his spaceship in my Spaceport anyday.

Builly

BBD

XXX

Hey, sorry chums, I got it wrong. My mistake, a million apologies.

The TCM movie tonight is not Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid, it's

The Outlaw Josey Wales.

How much do TCM love cowboy and male-dominated films?

Why can't we girlies have a night to ourselves Bridget Jones, Sliding Doors or Dirty Dancing?

Billy

xxx

Im worried.

If I were Education Secretary I would be a bit worried too.
The GCSE pass rates just published for girls have shown a steady increase over the past SEVEN YEARS.

GIRLS
1999 53.4% Passed 5 GCSEs at Grades A - C
2005 63.2%

BOYS
1999
2005 53.3% Passed 5 GCSEs at A - C

(thats almost 10% worse)

The GCSE results show boys are a staggering SEVEN years behind girls in performance terms.

The decline is a bit worrying. Boys are not improving where girls continue to show improvement year on year. GCSEs are not rocket science. If nearly half the nations male yoof cannot pass with decent grades now, how will this look in another ten years?
How many of them will go on to Uni or take A-levels?

Boys will have a brain size the same as a pea, while smarty-pants girls will all have voluminous heads?

I've always thought boys were thick and these stats prove it.
Are you worried? As a teacher I'm scared.

Something to think about for the weekend.

Love Billy

BBD

xxx

RANT OF THE WEEK

I pay £21 quid a month for Sky TV for the basic package which has got steadily naffer the more channels that have appeared. Digital TV looks like being more of the same old repeated shite we've had served up for donkeys years.

Tonight, there's feck all on - again. The film on TCM at 9.00 is Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid. Who picks the films for TCM? Someone, obviously male, with no imagination or the brain cell of Homer Simpson.
You can almost guess whats going to be on.

This weeks offering at 9.00 on TCM. I'm betting its,

Sat: How the West was Won (complete with lines where it's worn)
Sun: The Getaway
Mon: Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid
Tue: The Ashphalt Jungle
Wed: Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid Return

Why nothing else? Does anyone work for TCM or is it just a bank of six video recorders that turn themselves on each day?
It's pretty crap really it really is.

Then theres the documentaries. Feck me this is even worse than the film situation.

Animal fecking Planet
Ray fecking Bushcraft Mears (what a smart arse he is)
Bomber Harris over Berlin,
U Fecking Os over Pheonix (the aliens have been coming for 60 years since Roswell, where the feck are they - lost on the A1?)
Something about Megastructures
The old guy who's dead on about steam engines (yawn)

All shite all of it.

I am pulling out of Sky, its a complete waste of money. Freeview for Billy.

Love Billy

xxx

Act Three

The year is 2028 and Will Smith, playing the part of the now adult David, has escaped the clutches of his crazed meglomaniac mother Madge (played by herself)who is intent on world domination. David searches Africa for his unknown father played by Shawshank Redemption favourite Morgan Freeman. Meanwhile Madonnas true son and heir Rocco, (played by Harry Potter favourite Daniel Radcliffe) hires a team of cockney mafia hitmen, led by Jason Statham, to bump off Morgan Freeman who is now Prime Minister of Malawi and knows nothing of Davids quest.

Act three ends in an emotional reunion between David and his father while Madge who is arrested for singing badly, Guy and all the bad guys are led off in chains for a life in a Malawian gaol for the rest of their proverbials.

Ahhhh bless.

All this could only happen in Madgeland.

Billy

xxx

Hey, today I found a virtual me at Meez.com.
Have a go it's really fun. Your students will love playing for hours like mine did just now.

Whadya think?

Billy

xxx

ACT TWO
After leaving the Malawi village at the weekend, Madge and Guy, our two intrepid heros, returned home to waiting crowds without the baby they so wanted.
Today however their fortunes have changed when the one year old baby boy was flown secretly out of Malawi on a private jet, via South Africa, destination UK.

Madge and Guy, the model parents that they are, she - like a virgin, and he of Snatch (interesting name for a film in this case...Ed) and other well-known gangsta britfilms, have been granted an 18-month "interim adoption order."

Is this a bit like taking stuff back to Marks and Spencer when you get fed up of it?
"Hey Madge, If we get fed up with the baby crying at night, can we swap it for a HD-TV or a new duvet and matching pillowcases?"

The more I think about this story the more it makes me annoyed.
Money definately talks.

BillyBloggins view is that Madge and Guy would have gained far more respect if they had put their hard-earned resources into developing the Malawi people and providing them with the means to develop their own children. Not taking them away from their homes, culture, freinds and loved ones.

BBD

Love Billy

xxx

How long is this story going to run for? The Daily Mail, that well known bastion of "middle" Britain must be coining it in since running all the anti-muslim stories.
It's getting beyond a joke now and is drawing in all sorts of other silly goings on about what people can wear or not.

Stop it now and grow up. It's worse than kids squabbling in a Primary school playground.

People should be allowed to wear what they like - so long as its decent and it doesnt offend. God help us, Trinny and Suzanna will be in on the act next offering their brand of advice.

Trinny: Well, I think it could do with brightening up a bit, maybe a few sequins, or a few Versace safety pins maybe - a bit Liz Hurley?
Suzanna: What the feck are you on about now fatty?
Trinny: The fecking veil thing you long streak of piss,
Suzanna: Well whats wrong with the veil then big arse?
Trinny: well for a start oh titless one,its not made by Dolce and Gabbanna, there are no matching accessories, and its black, its really not this year is it?
Suzanna: Mmmm sweetie, see what you mean, Black went out last year with Stella, should be Tope dahling, Tope with mid-calf cowboy boots,
Trinny: Rubbish, people should be wearing aubergine at this time of year its synonomous with the Harvest, for Autumn and the clocks going back,

And on an on they went talking absolute bollocks for years on end and getting paid wads of cash from the Telly companies, Littlewoods and anybody else who was daft enough to listen to them.

Fashion, the biggest load of bollocks ever.

Wear what you want folks. We ALL live in a FREE country.

Billy

BBD

XXX

Ii's been reported that Madonna has left Malawi without the young baby she was due to adopt. A difficult one this.
I support the idea of adoption and giving a parentless child the best possible future a child can have with the following conditions. In this case the child already had a father who had put the child in a home. Also it was portrayed in the media as if she was "shopping" for a child in a poor country and taking a child away from its home.

Why did Madge not offer to put on a concert and donate all the proceeds to giving the Malawi villagers a new hospital, clean drinking water, farming tools and giving all the village schoolchildren a new school and so on. She would be more adored for that.

BBD

xxx

Hi, I'm Jack and now my surgery in Blackburns over, I like nothing more than to unwind and dress up a bit and go out with a few friends for a drink. (Not in Blackburn you don't...Ed)
I know Iv'e been banging on about telling other people how to dress of late, so thought I'd share with you some of my favourite gear.

And here's my favourite band!

The Jackoffs.

(Oi Billy...you could be in trouble for that one...Ed)

Ah well he's such a pious twit, telling people what to do.

Love Billy

xxx